happy new year!

well, okay, i'm a month late i know. i started writing this in january so it's still a late-2025 retrospective (and early 2026) okay?

so much happened in the last month that it makes the rest of 2025 look like the quietest time on earth. i got my license in october but only really started driving in november, and i finally got a job after a year and a half of job searching. and not only is it *a* job - it's basically a dream job for a girl like me. hybrid work, with a mandatory office day and an optional office day. it's software testing, which, while not quite development, is still in my wheelhouse of things i like and am specialised in. my boss is incredible - a mega nerd who shares similar interests to me, is really easy to get along with, and is a generally nice person. i am enjoying it - as much as anybody can enjoy a job, at least.

i keep dreaming about working on this website and then i keep forgetting. and it's frustrating! but my life is changing a lot whilst also staying much the same. i got my first ever adult paycheck near the end of january which really cemented to me that i was moving forward. i also went to my first two-day convention, i made my own cosplay to join a group, and did pretty well considering my stamina. i think having good company definitely made it as amazing as it was.

on a personal level, it's strange. i feel different yet still the same. and i feel like there is some part of my life that i am unhappy with that i can't put my finger on. is it my physical health? is it how messy i am? is it how my adhd has been bad again despite being medicated? is there something in my relationship i am not realising? friendships perhaps? i don't know. it could always just be the winter blues, and perhaps spring will wash this all away.

i have slightly started to get my creative spark back, as seen with making my own cosplay of mahiru from milgram (even though i am not the biggest fan of the series anymore), but it is still mostly ideas as opposed to action. hopefully it will come back to me in full. i hope.